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Shame & Freedom - 10 Things I Have Learned

L iving in shame, with no one to talk to, and feeling stuck, is a horrible way to live.   The only way to freedom is accepting Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, and living for God. The time in my life when I struggled with shame and depression was during my first marriage.   I found out that I was married to a “sexual predator.”   Because I took my vows seriously and was a realist, I thought the only way for the marriage to survive was with some boundaries.   Since my ex-husband had perpetrated against teenage girls (as far as I found out), who continued to lie to me about even little things, and was manipulative - I felt I needed to protect our daughters.   We lived separated since they were babies.   I never left them alone with him, and felt a strong need to protect their friends, because if anything happened, I did not want the guilt of knowing I did not do all I could to protect them. Who do you talk to about the feelings that go along with the ...
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Abide

"Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone.  In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord.  And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit." - Holy Bible, Ephesians 2:19 - 22, NIV Abide (verb) - to continue without fading or being lost. Last week, I found myself admitted into the hospital, again.  It was not an anticipated situation, but not completely a surprise.  While I was in emergency surgery, it happens that a pipe burst in my closet.  It could have been an overwhelming circumstance, if I had been overcome with worry about all that needed taken care of, yet to do, children needing their parent, etc.  However, I noticed there was more of a sense of peace and subm...
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Regrets Turn to Forgiveness

No regrets!   Is this mentality the sign of a repentant heart?   Doesn’t seem like it.   Although I don’t live each day ensconced in shame and regret, I am sorry for some of the mistakes I have made in my life.   I have regrets, especially when it comes to hurting others.   I hate that part of choices made.   After meeting with someone very dear to me, I left feeling awful because of the mistakes I made that affected them negatively.   The hurt I caused has brought about feelings of ill will and hate toward me.   It’s difficult to live with that.   But thank God, He has offered forgiveness to you and me, full of mercy and grace.   Those that are in Christ Jesus are good enough and beautiful to Him.   Remembering that daily helps in knowing that we are worthy of love, no matter the mistakes we make.   This thought has been humbling to me, especially since I used to be so judgmental.   I hope these words reach someone w...
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Pain of This Life

My cousin has died.   My heart rips for my family and especially for her mother.   Anger wells up inside me just thinking about how senseless this is.   Anger is not directed at a person, or even at God.   The anger points to our fallen world in general.   I know that God didn’t cause her state of being.   He is not to blame for people’s choices, nor an accidental occurrence. Prayers and thoughts have been with her family and friends.   God be glorified in all this mess.   Draw those in pain closer to You, the source of comfort, peace and strength.   There has been a hunger in me for more of the Lord’s presence.   I pick up my Bible and go to the concordance and search out specific words like “King” and “Throne.”   A song hit me yesterday that Tamela Mann sings, Take Me To The King .   Pointing to the pain of this life, only finding salvation through Jesus Christ.   That salvation gives us direct access to...
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Tis' the Season

Burning leaves.  Golden in sun.  Luxurious reds.  Bouncing light.  Crisp air.  The pool water goes from refreshing in Summertime heat, to downright cold on a mild day.  Pumpkins and candy corn.  All mark the season of Autumn.  A time when nature's beauty packs up for Winter's hibernation.  Breaking out my George Winston this time of year, and listening to it until Spring's promise of new beginnings.  While nature's beauty packs up, I unpack.  Sweaters, turtlenecks, humidifiers replace fans, yarn to make new hats and scarves, pencils and 3-ring binders for classes.   Packing...unpacking...it's another transition. We need to keep hope alive through this one.  How do we grasp hope when it is no longer evident in what we see?  Some of us find it in our children, our grand-children.  Their futures.  Our spouses or significant others.  Is there anything more impor...
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A Dog Life Short Christmas Story....

A Building 44 Christmas by Bethany Williams   At Building 44, fluffy snowflakes were lightly falling on this particular afternoon.  The clock chimed twice, which meant it was time for our canine daily meeting.  Our humans were also invited to come and share their jibber and good energy.  I did my normal ESP, inviting my human to pull out my raincoat, and come along.  We met Sammy on the way down the stairs, as usual. "How ya doin' Klondike?" Sammy beamed in his usual positive energy.  It is impossible for him to be in a sour mood. "How do you do, Sammy?"  I panted as we headed out the door, me first, as always.  Our breaths misted in the cold air. Thriller headed our way with an excited aura about him.  That was nothing new, since he is a very, VERY active detective canine.  "Howdy-do Sammy and Klondike.  I have something you must see."  He rushed toward the decorations at the front of our building, expecting us to ...
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Time Flies

It is hard to believe that the year is almost through.  My goal this year was to make more healthy choices.  Divorce, after almost a twelve year separation, has propelled me forward, which has been exciting and nerve wracking at the same time.  Mourning the loss of my life partner and best friend has brought me in closer relationship with the Lord, Jesus Christ - causing me to want to know more about my Heavenly Father - His faithfulness, love, mercy and grace.  Music and writing has percolated more fluidly.  I have found so many things to be thankful for, through the challenges of loneliness, emotional turmoil, and physical break-down - constantly made aware of where my hope is.  I have learned more about boundaries.  Just because someone else does not take responsibility in things, does not mean I need to take responsibility.  This seems to be a very common issue in so many lives.  Some of us as Christians, live li...
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